New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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