You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
