R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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