She said her name was "party"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
