So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
