finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
