I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
