am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
