No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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