Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
