I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
