That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
