Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
