I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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