I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
