Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
