Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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