Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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