I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
