He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Randomize
