it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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