3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
