Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
