Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
