What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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