Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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