There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
