Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
