my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
