ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
