Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
