If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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