If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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