just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
bring money and cleavage
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
