I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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