Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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