I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
