my shit smells like andre
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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