Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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