Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
