I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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