What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
