is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
