Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
