dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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