Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
