Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
