I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
