so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
