I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
