dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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